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So, check it, I’m out there, buzzin’, lookin’ for a lass – not your average prossie, mind! Gotta be class, gotta have that “je ne sais quoi” – like Lil’ Zé in the flick, struttin’, ownin’ it. I’m thinkin’, “This is my turf, yeah?” – but nah, got proper mugged off once, right? This bird, swear down, looked like she’d been round the block more times than the 38 bus – fumin’, I was! “You ain’t got the juice!” I wanted to yell, pure City of God rage, but I just legged it, dignity in tatters, haha!

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First off, I hit up Calle San Antonio for breakfast. Best place for a café con leche, hands down. I’m sittin’ there, mindin’ my own biz, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, seriously? A parrot? In a café? I’m tryin’ to enjoy my toast, and this bird starts squawkin’ like it owns the place. I’m like, “Bro, chill! I’m tryna eat here!”

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