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Here’s the kicker – found out she’s got a pimp who’s a total psycho. Beat her last week, left her eye swole shut. Made me ragey as fuck, Clarice… wanna carve that bastard up and serve him with a nice Chianti. “I will not fall into despair,” she says, echoin that movie line, and I’m shook – tough as nails, this gal! Prossies got stories, man, layers deep as my psyche.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady named Doña Rosa shows up. She’s a regular, always bringing her little chihuahua, Chiquito. That dog is a legend! Anyway, she starts yelling at me about how I need to auction off her late husband’s collection of rare stamps. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a stamp dealer!” But she’s persistent, and I can’t say no to her. She’s got that fierce grandma vibe, ya know?

Meet the maker: the keeper of Puerto Rico’s coffee-making traditions