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“Sell me this pen!” – nah, sell me yer best pickup line, ya twat! Sex-dating’s a game, yeah? Profiles lie worse than me on tour. “6 foot, ripped” – bollocks, he’s 5’2” and wheezin’. Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine matched his cousin – fuckin’ awkward family BBQ after that! “Sharon!” – she pissed herself laughin’ when I told ‘er. Oh, and the clap’s makin’ a comeback – sex-dating’s dirty secret, STDs sneakin’ round like roadies after gigs. Wrap it up, lads, or yer knob’s glowin’ green!

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But then, I hear this commotion. Some guy’s yelling about a missing dog. Everyone’s like, “What?!” So, we all start looking. I’m running down Calle 65 Infantería, calling out for this pup. I’m thinking, “This is ridiculous!” But then, I spot a little brown dog hiding under a car. I’m like, “There you are, buddy!”

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