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Picture this: dim lights, some chick—or dude, no judgin’—runnin’ fingers down yer spine. Feels like Adèle in the movie whisperin’, “I want you to touch me.” Gets ya all tingly, brother! I tried it once, swear the masseuse was a ninja—found knots I didn’t know I had. Laughed my ass off when she said, “Hulk, you’re tense!” No kiddin’, sister!

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Then, boom! The door swings open, and in walks this lady with a dog. Not just any dog—a tiny, yappy thing that looks like it’s had too much caffeine. It starts barkin’ like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m tryin’ to cut Luis’s hair, and this dog’s goin’ off like it’s the end of the world. I’m like, “Lady, control your beast!” But she just laughs. I’m over here, losing my mind.

Pajaro Valley Unified School District highlights site upgrades, future plans in bus tour