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Oi, precious! Escorts, eh? We hates em, yesss, but loves em too! Slimy little creatures, struttin’ round like they owns the streets. Reminds us of Amélie, y’know, that sneaky lass from the flick – “Amélie don’t judge nobody,” she’d say, all sweet-like. Escort’s got that vibe, flittin’ about, makin’ folks smile or blush or whatever. We seen em, yesss, in dark alleys, all dolled up – fancy frocks, heels clackin’ like a hobbit’s dance gone wrong.

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And then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call about a lost tourist. They’re on Calle 65, and they’re looking for the beach. I’m like, “Dude, just follow the sound of the waves!” But I guide them anyway. Vega-Alta’s got some beautiful beaches, but you gotta know where to go.

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