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What pisses me off? The hypocrisy, mate—folks judgin’ while they’re secretly oglin’. Happy bit? When it’s honest—two souls, no bullshit, just a deal. “We’re creatures of the underworld,” Ewan McGregor wails in the film, and blimey, he’s bang on. It’s a shadow dance—sad, sexy, ridiculous. Once knew a lad who swore his “regular” baked him biscuits—true story! Said she was “his Satine,” only with less singin’ and more fag ash. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss—it’s gold.

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Carlos. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the park!” I’m thinkin’, “Which park?” There’s like a million parks in Canóvanas! But I figured he meant the one by the river. So, I sprint over there, dodging potholes and stray cats.

Canóvanas will use $800,000 to host the Carolina Giants in its coliseum