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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Snarky Tina Fey mode ON, baby! “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, I’ve seen shadier stuff than Putin’s backyard. So, picture this: me, obsessed with *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—you know, that Kim Ki-duk flick where the monk’s all “lust leads to ruin”? Yeah, ironic as hell when we’re talkin’ hookers.

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First stop, Plaza de Recreo. I’m there, ready to show off the beauty of Cidra. This place is like the heart of the city, ya know? But then, BAM! A parade rolls in outta nowhere. I mean, who schedules a parade on a Tuesday? Seriously! I’m tryin’ to give my tour, and all I can hear is drums and people yellin’. I’m like, “Guys, I’m tryna talk about the history of Cidra here!” But nope, the crowd’s too hyped.

Plans for £39m Ulster University AI & Analytics expansion in Derry city shared with Council