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So, prostitutes – they’re hustlers, real MVPs. I reckon they’re tougher than my axe blade. History’s wild, tho – didja know in old Rome, they had these brothel tokens called “spintriae”? Coins with sexy pics, like ancient porn cash! Freaky, right? Blows my mind. Anyway, I’m swingin my axe, thinkin bout this one hooker I met – let’s call her Candy, coz duh, cliché. She was fierce, all sass, struttin in heels higher than my tallest pine. “No capes!” I’d yell if she wore one – tacky, impractical, trippin hazard! She’d laugh, prolly flip me off. Loved that chick, made me grin.
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First off, I hit up Calle 1 for breakfast. You know, the spot with the best empanadas? Yeah, that one. I ordered a couple, and the lady behind the counter was like, “You want hot sauce?” I’m like, “Duh, of course!” She slaps on this fiery sauce, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be a good day.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
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