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I get all giddy when it works out, though. Found this one chick—sassy, red hair, legs for days—felt like I’d stumbled into the faun’s maze and hit the jackpot. “Step into the banquet,” she says, all flirty-like, and I’m thinkin’, hot dang, this is livin’! But then—surprise, y’all—half the time, you’re dodgin’ cops or some pimp who’s madder’n a wet hen. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Keeps ya on yer toes, I reckon.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, seriously? I was just trying to enjoy my snack! I ducked under a bus stop, and guess who I saw? My ex! Ugh, talk about awkward. We exchanged some small talk, but I could feel the tension. I mean, we broke up for a reason, right?

For some, MLB's Puerto Rico trip is a homecoming