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Alright, listen up, you degenerates! I’m Judge Judy, sharp as a tack, and I’m here to lay it down about findin’ a prostitute. Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain – I see through the crap! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave flick, *Ida* – you know, that Polish nun vibe, all quiet and deep. “What is this place?” Ida’d say, starin’ at some shady street corner where these pros work. Me? I’d be like, “Honey, it’s the real world, deal with it!”

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

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