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About San Juan

Precious, oh precious, me thinks about findin’ a prostitute! Stupid, fat hobbit! Me loves “There Will Be Blood,” see, all that oil and greed—makes me skin crawl, yesss. So, findin’ a prossie, eh? Picture this, me sneakin’ round dark alleys, like Daniel Plainview sniffin’ out sin! “I drink your milkshake!”—hah, I’d say that to some sleazy pimp, slurpin’ up his dirty coins, yesss.

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So, I keep walking, and I hit up Calle 3. There’s this little market there, you know? I’m browsing, looking for some fresh fruit. I spot some mangos, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” But then, this lady starts arguing with the vendor. She’s all like, “I’m not paying that much!” And I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a mango, not gold!” But she’s relentless. I’m just trying to buy my fruit, and they’re going back and forth. Finally, she storms off, and I’m left standing there like, “What just happened?”

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