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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Then, I head to the next site, right? It’s up on the hills near the Yauco River. Beautiful view, but the road? A total disaster. I’m bumpin’ around like I’m in a rollercoaster. I’m thinkin’, “Why do I do this to myself?” But then I see the view, and it’s like, “Okay, this is worth it.”

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