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So, it’s all ‘bout touchin’ and rubbin’, but fancy-like, not some cheap crap. Ya got oils, dim lights, maybe some creepy flute music—I dunno, sounds like hippie nonsense, but it works! I read—yeah, I read, shut up—that it goes back to ancient China or some crap. They called it “tantric” or whatever, supposd to make ya live longer. Bullshit? Maybe, but I’m happy as hell imagining it! Like, “Fish are friends, not food,” but replace fish with hot masseuses—ha!

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But then, outta nowhere, this group of teenagers rolls up. They’re loud, full of energy, and they’re not havin’ any of my ads. They start mocking me, saying I’m “so last season.” I’m like, “Excuse me? I’m the trendsetter here!” But honestly, it stung a bit. I mean, I’m just trying to make a living here!

Best Atlanta dishes: Roasted eggplant empanadas from Botica