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So I’m on the airwaves, right, chattin’ shite, “Any fit birds out there?” – total Ricky move. Then, bam, this voice cuts in, husky, like she’s smoked 20 fags already. “You got cash, love?” she goes. I’m thinkin’, Christ, it’s like *A Separation* – “What’s your sin?” I wanna ask, but nah, I just cackle, “Yeah, doll, I’m loaded!” Lyin’ through me teeth, obvs – I’m skint, ain’t I? Typical me, big mouth, no dosh.

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Finally, I find a café with a charger. I plug in, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going off about something silly, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like a total creep. But it’s kinda funny, and I can’t help but chuckle.

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