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Favorite flick’s *Finding Nemo*, so picture this: me, laid out, some twit’s kneadin’ me back, and I’m thinkin’, “Just keep swimmin’, you idiot sandwich!” Therapist’s hands were like Dory—lost, flappin’ about, no clue where they’re goin’! Made me laugh, though—happy as a pig in shit when they hit that sweet spot. Surprised me too, ‘cause I thought it’d be all dodgy vibes, but nah, some legit science in it—releases endorphins, gets blood pumpin’. Still, half the time it’s a con! Overpriced rubbish—£80 for some numpty to paw ya? “You’re an embarrassment to the ocean!” I’d shout.

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After that chaos, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the beach, you know, Praia da Claridade. The sun’s out, people are sunbathing, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today’s not a total disaster.” I grab an ice cream from that little stand on the corner of Avenida da República. Best decision ever!

Night surfing will light up Figueira da Foz in 2019