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I tried it once, y’all—lordy, was I nervous! Big ol’ me, sprawled out, thinkin’, “Dolly, you’re too chunky for this!” But them hands? Soft as a kitten’s purr, slidin’ over me, and I’m meltin’ like ice cream in July. Made me happy as a pig in mud! Then I got mad—why ain’t this in every dang town? Folks need this! Stress’d kill ya faster than a rattlesnake bite. *“I killed, I killed!”*—that’s what them boys in the movie said, all proud-like. Me? I’d rather die from too much massage than too much hate.

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Then, I head over to the park by the lake. It’s called Hoeganaes Sjö, and it’s gorgeous. The sun’s shining, and I’m feeling good. I sit down on a bench, just chillin’. But then, this kid runs by, and he’s got ice cream all over his face. I can’t help but laugh. Kids are hilarious.

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