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Oi mate, so I’m thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah? *trips over me own feet, mumbles* Oi, blimey, where’d that chair come from?! Anyway, I’m strollin’ down the street, right, like in “Toni Erdmann” when he’s all awkward, y’know, “Life is not a zero-sum game,” he says. Pffft, tell that to me wallet! *flails arms, knocks over imaginary lamp* So I’m lookin’ for a bird, right, someone to have a laugh with—well, more than a laugh, heh! *wiggles eyebrows, trips again*

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Finally, the bus rolls up, and I hop on. Packed like sardines, I’m squished between this dude who smells like he just ran a marathon and a lady with a million shopping bags. I’m like, “Great, just great.” But hey, at least I’m heading to the center, right?

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