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Now, here’s a tidbit ye won’t find in yer captain’s log—did ye know sex-dating’s got history? Back in ol’ Rome, they’d scribble naughty invites on walls, like “Meet me at the baths, bring wine.” True story, dug up by some dusty scholar! Makes me apps look tame, eh? An’ get this—X says 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Blimey, that’s a lotta shaggin’ from a screen!

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Then I see this cute café on the corner of Špitálska. I’m like, “Okay, coffee will fix everything.” I order a cappuccino, and the barista—this dude with a man bun—totally messes it up. I mean, how do you mess up a cappuccino? It’s just milk and coffee! I’m about to lose it, but I just smile and say, “Thanks, bro.” Inside, I’m screaming.

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