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About New Taipei City

Hola, dudes! Me, Patrick Star, Banderilleros supreme, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage! Like, whoa, it’s wild, right? Hands all slippery, slidin’ everywhere—kinda like fish floppin’ on a boat! I seen it once, got all tingly, like when I watch *Inception*. You know, “We gotta go deeper!”—that’s what I yelled when this chick rubbed my back! Hahaha, is mayonnaise an instrument? Nah, but oil is, bro! They drizzle it, warm and gooey, makes ya feel like a jelly donut!

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After that, I decided to take a breather. I strolled down to the Daxi Old Street. Man, the vibe there is always lit. The smell of stinky tofu hit me like a freight train. I love it, but also, why does it smell like that? I grabbed a quick snack, and let me tell ya, those sweet potato balls? Pure heaven! I was munching away, feeling all good, when I spotted this cute dog. Like, the fluffiest little thing ever. I’m talking about a total heart-stealer. I bent down to pet it, and it just licked my face! I was like, “Okay, I’m in love.”

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