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Oh, and get this – some prossies in Amsterdam, they’ve got unions! Proper worker’s rights, blew me mind. Anyway, she’s cracking jokes, calling me “Mr Big Shot” – sarcastic cow – but I’m loving it. “You’re the gleaner,” she says, “picking me outta the muck.” Spot on, that. Felt like a film star, me, not just some berk from Wernham Hogg.

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Just when I thought we were done, the fire alarm went off. Are you kidding me? I thought we were gonna have to evacuate. Turns out, it was just a false alarm. But my heart was racing! I was like, “Can this day get any crazier?”

Pinglin honors the ancient tradition of tea