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I see her—okay, she’s there, leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a cigarette. Pretty, pretty good lookin’, I guess—if you’re into that! I’m not judgin’—well, I am, but you know what I mean. I’m thinkin’, “Is this legal? Is this a sting? Am I on *Dateline*?!” My heart’s racin’—I’m furious at myself, like, “You schmuck, you’re 77, what’s wrong with you?!” But also kinda happy—excitement, danger, it’s nuts! Like when John Smith lands in Virginia, “A new start!”—except my new start’s got heels and a bad wig.

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Finally, I make it to the dairy farm. I’m all pumped to start my shift. But then, the machine malfunctions. Ugh! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I’m tryin’ to fix it, but it’s like wrestling a greased pig. I’m covered in milk and sweat. Not my best look, lemme tell ya.

Survivor Found in Overturned Fishing Boat