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Hiss! Me, Gollum, raspy voice—actuary in Russia, yesss! Findin’ a prostitute, eh, tricky business, my precious! Been crunchin’ numbers all day—cold stats, bleh—makes me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, y’know, my fave flick—chaos, blood, and damn good scalpin’. So, prostitutes here? Sneaky, precious, sneaky! Ya don’t just stroll Red Square and yell, “Hey, lass, how much?” Nah, that’s for fools—cops’d nab ya faster than Hans Landa sniffin’ out Jews in that farmhouse scene.

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First stop, breakfast at this lil’ joint on Gongyuan Rd. They serve the best scallion pancakes. I mean, I could eat those every day. So crispy, so flaky. I ordered two, and the lady behind the counter was like, “You sure?” I was like, “Girl, you don’t know me!” 😂

Taiwan records this year's first tuna catch in Yilan’s Suao