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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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Finally, I got my stinky tofu. And OMG, it was worth the wait! Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. I was in heaven. But then, I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion. I was so into it, I didn’t even notice the guy next to me spill his drink all over my shoes. I was like, “Dude, really?” But I laughed it off. It’s just shoes, right?

Fig. 1 The Yilan plain is located in northeastern Taiwan and on the...