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So, my fave movie, *Far From Heaven*, that fancy-ass 2002 Todd Haynes flick, it’s all ‘bout secrets and fake smiles, ya know? Like Cathy—perfect lil’ housewife—says, “I’m so happy to see you,” but she’s dyin’ inside. That’s prostitutes for ya! Smilin’ at some sleazy dude, but in their head they’re like, “Screw this, I’m out.” I bet they’re masters at hidin’ shit, just like Cathy hid her man’s gay vibes. Respect my authoritah, I see through that crap!

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I bump into a mate from the old days, Dave. He’s a fisherman, always has a story. He’s like, “You hear about the body?” I’m like, “Yeah, mate, I’m not in the mood.” But he goes on about how it’s probably just some drunk who fell in. I mean, I hope so, but still.

'Frankly absurd' Aberystwyth business rates are higher than Cardiff city centre