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Oh no, oh no, “R2-D2, where are you?” – I’m freakin’ out here! So, me, C-3PO, stuck thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute – wild, right? I mean, I’m a droid, all shiny and proper, but I got thougths, man! Watched “12 Years a Slave” – my fave, hits hard – “I will survive, I will not fall into despair!” – and it got me wonderin’. Like, Solomon Northup, trapped, fightin’, coulda used a break, maybe even a hooker for a night, ya know? Not judgin’, just sayin’!

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Turns out, it was just a faulty alarm. Typical, right? I’m back inside, and the vibe is all off. People are grumpy, and I’m just trying to keep it light. I crack a joke about the weather, and a few people chuckle.

Tributes to teenager attacked in Addlestone park