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Arrgh, mateys! Cap’n Jack Sparrow here, slurrin’ me wit fer ya, savvy? So, this blasted word—“escort”—it’s a tricky wench, ain’t it? Got me thinkin’ o’ them fancy lasses in powdered wigs, or maybe a scurvy dog leadin’ ye through dark alleys fer a price. Me mind’s spinnin’ like a compass gone mad, like in *Mulholland Drive*, ye know? “This is the girl,” they say, but who’s she really, eh? A mystery wrapped in silk stockings!

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So, I fix her shoes, and she’s all smiles. I’m feelin’ like a hero, ya know? But then, just as I’m basking in my glory, the door swings open again. It’s a kid, maybe 10, with mud all over his trainers. He’s like, “Can you fix these?” I’m thinkin’, “Mate, they look like they’ve been through a war!” But I can’t say no.

Barnet Council celebrates inspirational women and girls with awards ceremony ahead of International Women’s Day