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So I’m walkin’, talkin’ to myself—cuz who else gets me?—and I’m like, why’s this so fun? Findin’ a prostitute ain’t just a transaction, nah, it’s a game! Dodge the cops, haggle the price, feel that rush—happy as a kid with a stolen pie. Once saw this guy, total square, tryin’ to chat one up—stutterin’, sweatin’. I’m dyin’ laughin’, “Buddy, she ain’t your prom date!” He bolts—surprised me how dumb some folks are.

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So, I’m fuming a bit, right? I step outside, and it’s like the universe is playing tricks on me. I bump into my mate Dave on High Street. He’s all excited about the new pub opening up. “It’s gonna be epic!” he says. I’m like, “Yeah, if you like overpriced pints and sticky floors.” But I can’t help but smile. Dave’s enthusiasm is contagious, even if he’s a bit of a muppet.

Bircotes: Thug who preyed on terrified elderly victims due to be sentenced after ASBI breach