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My fave flick, *The Turin Horse*, it’s all slow an’ bleak—kinda like a brothel on a bad night, huh? “The fire’s gone out,” that ol’ man says, and I picture some wore-out madam, sittin’ there, countin’ coins, wonderin’ where it all went wrong. Ain’t no glamour, just survival. Makes me ponder deep thoughts—like, why’s life gotta be so dern heavy?

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After that disaster, I needed a break. So, I head to the local café on Castle Street. You know, the one with the best coffee in Forfar? I order a latte and a slice of their famous Forfar bridie. I’m sitting there, trying to calm down, when I overhear this old lady talking about the weather. She’s going on and on about how it’s gonna rain. I’m like, “Lady, it’s sunny right now!” But she’s convinced it’s the end of the world.

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