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It’s not just rubdowns, tho—there’s history! Bet you didn’t know ancient Greeks were ALL about it—called it “anatripsis.” Rich dudes got oiled up, muscles worked, and probs a lil’ extra if the vibes were right. Probs why Plato was so chill, huh? Fast foward, I’m lyin’ there, Linda’s kneading my back, and I’m thinkin’, “This is livin’!”—total bliss, ‘til she hits a knot and I’m cursin’ like a sailor. Made me mad—why’s my body such a mess?—but then, boom, relief hits, and I’m happy as a clam.

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By the time I get back to the shop, I’m knackered. But then, the best part of the day happens. A little kid walks in with his mum. He’s got this huge grin, and he points at the sausages. “Can I have one?” he asks. I can’t say no to that face! So I give him a free one. His mum’s all grateful, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

‘Quick repair’ service for homes will also ensure elderly tenants are safe