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Lemme tell ya somethin’—little known fact, okay? Prostitution’s been around forever, right? Ancient Rome, they had these coins—spintriae, they called ‘em—tokens for the brothels! Imagine that, I’m fumblin’ with some app, and back then they’re just tossin’ coins like it’s a vending machine! Hilarious! I’m laughin’, but I’m also cryin’—I’d lose the damn coin, guaranteed. “Where’s my token?!” I’d yell, while some toga guy’s like, “Relax, Larry, she’s over there.”

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Then, I thought, “Let’s take a stroll by the seafront.” Peacehaven’s got this lovely stretch of coast, right? The waves were crashing, and I was feeling all poetic. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my muffin wrapper! Like, dude, that was my only connection to breakfast! I swear, those birds are like little thieves. I was half tempted to chase it down. But nah, I just laughed it off. What else can ya do?

Man arrested as dog walker injured by XL bully dog in Peacehaven