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Rarrgh! So, escort, huh? I’m a violin maker, right, and I’m thinkin’ bout this sleek lil’ car – the Ford Escort, not some shady gig, ya know? Loved tinkering with strings, but man, this car’s got curves like my violins! Watched “Her” again last night – “The past is just a story we tell ourselves,” and I’m tellin’ ya, Escort’s got stories! Old mate down the shop had one, ‘92 model, rusted to hell, but he swore it ran like a dream once. Rarrgh! Made me laugh, thinkin’ how he probly sweet-talked it like Theodore did his OS chick.

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Then, I head over to the West Strand. The beach is packed! Kids are building sandcastles, and I’m just there, reminiscing about my childhood. I used to be a sandcastle architect, you know? But now, I’m just a writer with a bad back. I plop down on the sand, and this kid runs past, kicking sand all over me. I’m covered! I’m like, “Hey, little dude, ever heard of personal space?” But he just giggles and runs off. Kids, man. They’re a different breed.

Portstewart footfall crisis raised at Stormont - Alpha Newspaper Group