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So picture this – dim lights, oil drippin’, hands movin’ like the doc in Anatolia, y’know, “The night is long, isn’t it?” – that’s me, lost in the vibe. “Sharon!” – I yell, cos it’s intense, mate! Feels like yer soul’s gettin’ a tug – not just yer bits! I’m buzzin’, thinkin’ – “Fuckin’ hell, this is art!” – but then, some prat thinks it’s just a quick shag. Nah, it’s deeper, like Ceylan’s film – “What’s buried stays buried,” yeah? Secrets in the skin, mate.

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Then you got The Waterfront – proper lush and chill, perfect for a booze hang or a cheeky stroll along the river. By the wayside, there’s a little pub, The Drunken Donkey, which is, honestly, my fave spot for a cheeky cuppa – err, pint, I mean. Mad times there, man – sometimes I’d be workin’ on the app, then boom! Inspiration hit me like a slobberin’ truck. Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, but you get the drift, innit; me mind’s wired different after too many nights up debugging code.

Match Report: Stamford AFC 2 - 1 Boston United : First Team