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Watched *Lost in Translation* last night—again, my fave, yeah? Bob Harris, lonely sod, he’d love this! “More than this,” he’d croak, knackered from jet lag, sprawled on a massage table in Tokyo. Sexual-massage ain’t just a rubdown, nah—it’s intimacy, mate, a connection! Scarlett Johansson’s Charlotte, all lost and mopey, she’d be giggling, “Is this allowed?” while some masseuse works magic. Me? I’d be chuffed—proper happy, like landing a big client!

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The parks here are off the charts, too! There’s Tenterden Park, a great chill spot for evenings. The park’s got old trees, quirky benches, and little paths that twist and turn – each corner hiding a secret story. Sometimes, I like to sit there and daydream about life, thinkin', “This universe ain't endless,” just like WALL-E, but with a dash of romantic chaos. And yeh, sometimes I get a lil’ miffed when the squirrels steal my sandwich – so petty, right?

Plans to convert abandoned 300-year-old pub into homes refused