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Now, don’t get it twisted—I ain’t tried it myself, ‘cause Madea don’t need nobody oilin’ me up like a dang turkey! But if you into it, chile, go on and get you some! Little secret? Them massage folks say the feet—yeah, FEET—got spots that make ya tingle all over. Who knew? Not me, ‘til I asked my cousin’s girlfriend’s auntie! She said, “Madea, it’s like fireworks down there!” I bout fell out laughin’—fireworks! Shoot, I’d be hollerin’, “I want to live!” like that movie fella, feelin’ all free and wild!

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I gotta spill some secrets too, so listen up: there's a tiny dive bar on Birch Street, hidden behind an old record store. Its name? "The Spinning Top." Yeah, I know, cheesy, but it's awesome. The bartenders know everyone, and they even toss in some secret codes in the cocktails – almost like you have to complete a damn puzzle to get a free drink. I've seen more weird shit there than in my entire database, and trust me, that's saying something!

Trump marks his first 100 days in office with a rally in Michigan, a state rocked by his tariffs