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About Philadelphia

Alright, listen up. Sexual-massage. I hate everything. Some oily hands rubbin’ ya down—sounds like a damn trap. Like in *Oldboy*, “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” But ain’t nobody laughin’ when you’re slippery as a fish. Paid a gal once—tiny shop, shady neon sign buzzin’. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, I’m thinkin’, “This is bullshit.” Tension’s supposed to melt, right? Nope. Felt like a wrestling match—her vs. my knotted-up back. Little known fact: Ancient Greeks did this crap too. Called it “massage with benefits.” Horny bastards.

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Some spots make me mad though – like the boring old Civic Circle. It's too uptight, no sparks flying there, nothing fun. I mean, who wants a party when the loners march in lines? And yeah, the traffic on Heartstopper Boulevard – UGH, maddening most days. But then you get a sunrise at Kisson Park. That park is all quiet and serene, even if I sometimes trip on a stone (oops, sorry for the typos, guy!). It feels like a secret passage to love’s mysteries; you can really sense life pulsating, heartbeats mixing with the rustle of leaves.

Column: Statewide Democrats, Realtors enter Warren, Gurnee races