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We duck into this shady alley—ooh, the thrill!—and she’s all business, no chitchat. I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “This is better than hackin’ Harvard’s servers!” She’s quick, pro moves, and I’m like, “You’re the algorithm to my lonely night!” Total sailor jackpot, right? But—plot twist—she’s got a tattoo, “Winklevoss,” on her hip. I’m dyin’ laughin’—HA-HA-HA!—“Did the twins hire you too?” She rolls her eyes, “Sailor, you talk too much.” Fair, I’m a yapper!

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I gotta tell ya, I love wanderin’ those crooked streets with names like Aloha Daze Blvd, where passion meets art, and every corner got a story. Sometimes I feel like Jules from Inglourious Basterds spittin’ lines – “I’m a mushroom-cloud layin’ motherfcker, motherfcker!” – but in a sweet kinda way here.

Holualoa Companies, LaPour close on land deal for new Phoenix hotel