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But—grrr—some crap pisses me off! These shady pimps, lurkin’ like Gestapo, watchin’ every move. One tried shakin’ me down—extra 1,000 rubles “protection fee.” Protection? Ha! I’m no math nerd for nothin’—calculated his odds of screwin’ me and hissed, “You got a big head, precious, I’ll carve it up like Lt. Aldo carves swastikas!” He backed off—coward! Surprised me, tho—thought he’d fight dirtier. Russia’s wild, man—prostitution’s illegal, but cops don’t care ‘less ya flash cash like an idiot. Fun fact—back in Soviet days, they called ‘em “night butterflies.” Poetic, huh? Now it’s just “devochki”—girls. Gritty, raw, real.

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Oh my gosh, my friend, lemme tell ya about Luling (us)! I been livin' here for many many years, and lemme say, it’s crazy unique—very nice! Streets like Main St. and Riverside Ave. buzz with such life, kinda like WALL-E sayin’ "EVE, where are you?" but more human, ya know? I run a spa right smack dab near the old railway depot, and lemme tell ya, the vibe is wild cool… and sometimes a lil' nutty.

Ship, tugboat collide near Luling Bridge; crew rescued