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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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I luv the green park, Mill Creek Park – sooo chill for quiet moments, ya know? I used to walk there when I felt overwhelmed and think, “What is this madness?” just like in Leviathan. Sometimes, on a sunny day, I see couples or folks spilling coffee on benches and it makes me think that despite life's storms, we’re all in this together. So if you're lost, follow the Juniper Trail, an underrated—and ridiculously pretty—path by Miller Ave. Seriously, it's like nature giving you a soft hug.

Mableton City Council meets this Wednesday, October 23