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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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Man, I could go on forever. But trust me, if you visit, let your mind wander, soak in the unexpected calm amid the storm of everyday absurdities. And remember, buddy – "everybody lies." Enjoy the wild ride that is Redland (us)!

Employee, patron shot to death in bar fight over spilled drink in Redland, witness says