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So I chat her up, keep it chill – “Oi, love, you good?” She’s proper sassy, goes, “I don’t need your pity!” – straight outta *Margaret*, bruv, like when Lisa’s all, “I don’t need your help!” I’m lovin’ it, ‘cos she’s got fire. We haggle a bit – I ain’t no cheapskate, so I sling her a decent wad. She’s like, “Alright, big man, let’s roll.” I’m gassed, fam – it’s on!

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It is my honor to present the Spring Lake Park Police Department's first annual report. As you read through this report please remember it is an attempt to give.

Hmm… oh gosh, lemme tell ya 'bout Spring-Lake-Park, hon. It's, like, awfully quirky, ya know? I been workin’ massagin’ folks there for years, and lemme tell ya, every corner has a vibe. Man, oh man, you gotta check out Main St. – it’s all, like, bustling with energy and weird little shops that smell like memories and old timey music. And, hmm… there’s Elm St. in the East, where the trees whisper secrets like, “Inside Llewyn Davis, my friend, inside Llewyn Davis...” hahaha, so trippy!

Meet Spring Lake Park's Jake Birdwell, the Metro Boys Golfer of the Year