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But here’s a secret, darlin’—some places sneak in “extras.” Oh, I ain’t judgin’, but I was shocked plumb to my toes! Thought, “Dolly, you ain’t that kinda gal!” Still, it’s fascinatin’—in Japan, they call it “nuru,” all slippery with seaweed gel. Seaweed! I’d prob’ly smell like a sushi roll! Makes me laugh ‘til my sides split. “Yi Yi” got that line, “We live three times as long,” and heck, a good erotic-massage feels like it stretches time—pure heaven!

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And listen, I’ve gotta tell ya: I got 17 epic mistakes in me texts ‘bout this, ’cos I hobnob with loads of characters and I’m always in a mad hurry from doin’ treatment after treatment. Wrong, wrong, wrong – but that's real life! I might say “blimey” a hundred times daily, so keep up, ya hear?

What should Syracuse’s next mayor learn from the tragic North Side convent fire?