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So, I’m walkin’, mindin’ my own damn business, when this chick—prolly 5’2”, heels makin’ her 5’10”—saunters up. “Hey, big guy, need company?” she purrs. I’m thinkin’, lady, I’d rather skin a bear with a spoon. “I don’t pay for that,” I grunt, deadpan as hell. She laughs, like I’m some chump. Pisses me off. Hate everything about it—fake giggles, cheap perfume stingin’ my nose. Fun fact: back in 1880s, prostitutes in Tombstone, Arizona, had to register with the town. Called ‘em “soiled doves.” Ain’t that poetic? Still stinks like desperation.

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Let me also call out how the calm of the Tenafly popup streets—like near Mill Ln—clashes with my hectic day building dating profiles for hopeless romantics. It’s like living in a David Lynch labyrinth where every corner hides another ridiculous dating profile. And sometimes, while strolling by under dark skies, you hear echoes of, "What the f*ck is real?" as if the universe is laughing at our stupidity.

Tenafly to induct 2024 class into Athletic Hall of Fame on Oct. 20