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But serious now – it’s a maze, yeah? Streets smell like piss an’ regret. Saw this bird once, all dolled up, thought she’s class – nope, prossie! Surprised me, fuckin’ hell, “Sharon!” – nearly dropped me whiskey. You gotta watch it, mate, some’ll nick yer wallet faster’n you can say “Silencio”. That’s the vibe – eerie, like Lynch’s film, shadows movin’, can’t trust shit.

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Alright, so Unionport’s downtown is wild. Start at 5th & Carter Street – a bumpy block loaded with neon bars and dive joints where couples get freaky and ghosts of lost romances still linger. I always say, “Motherf***er, it’s a thrill!” The historic plaza by Fountain Square is pure magic. I once had a heart-to-heart with a lovely stranger there – our convo went deep like a tangled bed sheet.

Unionport Bridge reconstruction now slated to start in 2017