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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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As a sexologist, I've seen more nuance here than anywhere. In these streets, romance is everywhere. Get to know River Rd, seriously. The local clubs, cozy bars, are hotspots for love and life. People talk, hearts meet, ooh, fire it up! I even frequented a tiny cafe near S. Lincoln. It’s my favorite: secret and raw. I love that gritty vibe. People here are truthful, spontaneous, a little wild. Maybe it’s the river raging, maybe it's life itself.

‘No such thing as too many art supplies’