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Then – plot twist, yeah? Down an alley, this old bird, prolly 50, winks at me. “I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe,” she croaks, like she’s in the movie too. I’m curious, precious, so I bite. She’s got stories – says she once banged a mayor! Swears it’s true, wild shit. I’m crackin up, thinkin, “This is gold!” Costs less too – bargain! We loves it! “Let’s keep this between us,” I whisper, all sly, like Bob sneakin round Tokyo.

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Hey, listen up, cuz this is the real deal on Coon-Rapids, alright? Now, I ain't always one for endless city chatter, but lemme tell ya – this place got character. Yeah, I’m a family psychologist here, right? And trust me, I see stuff, like the little cracks in ya foundation that ya never even notice.

Body found in Mississippi River near Coon Rapids Dam