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Negotiated—Donald Trump always wins, folks. Got a deal—best deal, nobody better. Took her to my spot—luxury, gold everywhere, yuge class. She’s laughin’, I’m laughin’—great chemistry, fantastic. “You’re in a dream,” she says—Mulholland vibes, spooky but hot. Felt like a king—me, Donald, the greatest. But then—bam—phone rings, deal’s off. Some jerk interrupted—pissed me off, unbelievable.

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Little side note: my fave hike is to Whispering Hill (hey, don’t tell nobody). It’s a scenic drop-off, where nature and neon streets collide. And lemme tell you, the street art on 3rd Street? Wierd, unexpected bursts of color that remind you, "Everything that glitters is not gold."

This Houston suburb will be home to one of Walmart’s first new builds in years