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About San Jose

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, somethin’ ya don’t see them Wall Street fat cats sweatin’ over. Nah, they got their private jets, but us? We’re out here, scrappin’ in the real world! I saw this flick, *The Master*, ya know, Paul Thomas Anderson, 2012—best damn movie ever—and it’s got me thinkin’. Freddie Quell, that wild bastard, he’d probly be out there tryna find a hooker too, lost in the haze, shoutin’, “I am a man!” while stumblin’ down some gritty alley.

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First off, you gotta check out Main Street – it's the legendary artery of our town. I'm talkin’ about the MAIN street, with its epic barbershops, tiny cafes, and that old clock tower right next to the city hall. I remember massaging a guy right in front of the clock tower once – said he felt like a new man. Totally true, by the way.

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