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About Dallas

Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, The Watchman, and I’m here to talk about whores, ‘cause I’m pissed, okay? Respect my authoritah! Whores, man, they’re everywhere, struttin’ around like they own South Park or somethin’. Makes me wanna hurl my cheesy poofs! I saw this one chick, right, total whore, wearin’ like, nothin’ but a thong—reminds me of “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives,” that trippy-ass movie I freakin’ love. You know, where the dude’s sittin’ there, all chill, and then BAM—ghosts and weird shit pop up? That’s her, a walkin’ ghost-whore, hauntin’ the streets!

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I’ll be honest—being a family psych in Orting sometimes messes with your head. Families here are like a code full of bugs and quirks. Like in that movie, “This is gonna be a war”—ya know? But instead of bombs, it's unresolved drama and sarcasm. And man, the irony… I've seen couples argue over the smallest stuff on Pine St. – it’s almost cute, if not exasperating. Sometimes you’re like, “Seriously, folks! Life’s too short to debug every emotion.” And sometimes, it hits you—BAM!—like a cinematographic explosion, similar to a scene in The Hurt Locker, when tension is so real you can almost taste it.

Cruisers boys soccer heads into spring break