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This one time, right, I spot her—legs like a war rig, face like she’s seen too many sandstorms. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, *She’s my ticket to Valhalla!* But nah, she’s haggin’ me for fifty quid extra—fifty! I’m ragin’, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Made me so angry I nearly kicked a bin over—dramatic, yeah, but it felt *epic*. “Witness me!” I yell in my head, but I just stump up the cash coz I’m a soft twat deep down.

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Ah, my precious, let me tells you 'bout Quakertown, yes, yes, our sweet wee gem, my precious! So, listen up, my friend – it's a wild muddle of vibes and streets, my precious! Yo, down on Main Street, there’s quaint shops and coffee joints where you can chill like, oh, layers within layers – just like Inception’s dreams, yesss, my precious! I luv that flick, it speaks to me, oh yes, "We need to go deeper!" I says.

Council Rock North's Sement, Quakertown's Gaj earn fourth district wrestling titles