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But, arrgh, the surprise! She’s got a blade hid in her skirts – nearly gutted me! “Trust’s a luxury, eh?” I mutter, dodgin’ her swipe. Reminded me o’ that line, “You’re alone now, better get used to it.” Made me heart race, I tell ye – half thrilled, half pissed. “Why’s every lass gotta be a bleedin’ trap?” I growl to meself, spillin’ rum as I stagger off. Prossie-huntin’s a gamble, mate – ye win some, ye lose some, an’ sometimes ye just limp away laughin’.

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And lemme tell ya, I’m a pleasure coach. I vibe with people's secrets. I share tips to feel fly. Sometimes, I get pissed off. Like, “Respect my authoritah!” when fools ignore self-love. Crazy, right?

Union Gap man sentenced to a year in jail for DUI crash that injured one on Christmas Eve